I wanted to be profound for New Year's Day, but that's clearly not happening, so I'll just go with my usual fallback: being stupid and mildly bitter instead. Please pay me no mind. DO NOT, under any circumstances, have a HARPY New Year. Seriously: those things will kill you. Put down the Greek mythology and slowly walk away without turning your back.
I must confess that I really don't give a shit about New Years. I mean, it's a pretty arbitrarily-selected day, mostly serving as an excuse for those so inclined to get wasted, loud, and maudlin. I know it also serves as a designated demarcation point: here is where some of the more thoughtful among us stop and look back over the past 12 months, trying to discern some pattern, some life lesson. But patterns don't conveniently divide themselves into 12-month cycles. When we try to force them to behave that way, the Great World just laughs at us and spins on ahead. As Janis Joplin wisely said in that broken-glass voice of hers: "Tomorrow never happens. It's all the same fucking day, man."
So did I cheer you up? Okay, listen: Please, have a HAPPY New Year. I hope it brings you all the things you wish for, plus excellent surprises you didn't even think to wish for. And who knows? Maybe it'll even bring good things to jaded old curmudgeons like me.
