Wednesday, April 23, 2014

T IS FOR TECHNOLOGY - NOT!!!

     Yes, I KNOW that "technology" does begin with the letter T.  The "not" refers to the fact that technology is so, so NOT one of my favorite things.  See what I did there?
     I loathe and fear technology in more-or-less equal measure.  And now, since I voluntarily opened this can of worms, I guess I have no choice but list some of the many, many technological tasks I do not know how to perform.  Will this make you happy?
     I cannot:
  1. Download music.
  2. Use a Kindle.
  3. Use a scanner.
  4. Use 3/4 of the gadgets on my laptop.
  5. Use 90% of the gadgets on my cellphone.
  6. Skype.
  7. Do anything at all with a gif.
  8. Record anything on TV.
  9. Use Photoshop.
  10. Create a digital chart.
  11. Put a phone call on hold.
  12. (and perhaps the saddest one of all)  Turn on the TV in my living room.
     You ask - I can hear you - How the hell can I not know how to turn on the TV in my living room?  And I answer: It's not just a regular TV.  It's an HDTV.  So turning it on is not just a matter of pushing the power button; if it were only that, I'm fairly certain I could manage.  No, there are several buttons that must be pushed in succession, and that's the part I can't get the hang of.
     It's possible (though, I think, unlikely) that I could learn to do some of the things listed above, if I weren't so terrified of technology.  But the fact is that I believe that the entire universe of technology is out to get me, for some perverse reason of its own.  The injustice of this stings.  After all, I may have never done anything to advance technology, but it's not like I've ever held it back, have I?  I'm hardly a saboteur (because you can't sabotage things without first knowing how they work).  I'm not some Luddite, going around smashing computers with a hammer, for heaven's sake. (And yes, I do know how hammers work, thanks.)  I've always been content to live and let live.  But it seems like technology won't leave me alone.  It attacks me on a daily basis, using my children, my friends, my co-workers as proxies.  They say things to me like, "It's so easy!  All you have to do is...,"  and ""You really don't know how to...?", and the falsely sympathetic, "You would find things so much easier if you just learned to..."  They're not fooling me one bit.  They are minions of Technology, the dark overlord, and they will not rest until I am curled up in a quivering ball under a table, clutching a clay tablet and a stylus.
     Yes, T is for technology.  But it's also for technophobia, which is my neighborhood.  Come on in and visit!  Just leave all your electronic devices at the door. 



8 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Yvonne: some minions aren't all bad...

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  2. Ha ha! you are singing my song, sister. While I CAN claim that I can do some of the tech-y things that you listed, I'm with you on many of them. It took me about 4 years to figure out to use "Layers" in Photoshop elements. Now I am the queen of layers and add them whether I need them or not.
    And of course, you should never underestimate the power of a hammer.
    I refer you to my Panda Chronicles post of April 14th (the day of "L") to demonstrate how I feel about technology, in case you missed it.
    Thanks for this post. I feel so much better, knowing I am not alone.

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    1. I'm thinking of forming a secret society. But of course, if I did, the only way to keep track of membership and activities would be (gulp) online....

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  3. Computers tend to meltdown when I get near them. I think I'm magnetized. Suffice it to say, technology is not my favorite thing either.

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    1. Thank you for sharing, S.L. Makes me want to say something stirring, like: Technophobes of the world, unite and... well, maybe not rule. Avoid the world...

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  4. I thought I was the only one. My entire family mocks me. For example, I don't know how to use my TV remotes. That's remotes--with an S. We have like 5 of them. Why? Who knows. I also don't know how to use my phone. Occasionally it calls people I haven't called, plays music I didn't know I had, and takes pictures of my hand.

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  5. Whoa. My phone is just passive-aggressive. Yours has gone rogue! p.s. I've been meaning to ask you for pictures of your hand!!

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