Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Can I Count on Your Support?

I don't usually post at 7 a.m., but today, I feel I must.  I've made a decision.  If the GOP primary race hasn't been wrapped up after the vote count tonight, I'm throwing my hat into the ring.  How do I stand out from the rest of the field, you ask?  It's fairly simple.  They are wimps and asswipes; I am a bold visionary. As president, I will not merely do away with the separation between church and state.  Oh, no, no no. The entire so-called "Bill of Rights:"  gone with one stroke of the pen.  Only two provisions will survive: freedom of religion (Christians only), and the right to bear arms (ditto).  Are you with me? Because if you're not with me 100%, then you're against me, and make no mistake: I will know exactly who you are.  Off the record: I also plan to bring back witch-hunts and burning heretics at the stake, but I know, I know...  not mainstream enough for right now, my campaign advisors tell me. And I'm not allowed to even mention the plans to clone Senator McCarthy and J. Edgar Hoover, although my team has samples of their DNA ready and waiting. None of these missions can be presented as planks of my actual campaign platform; they must remain long-term goals.  Fine.  I understand the political game.  America isn't quite ready for the full breadth of my vision.  YET.

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